That Phase of my life..

Random early morning sky pic I took

 So, I'm gonna share with y'all the story behind this picture. This picture was taken on June 29, 2020; 04:27 AM. That was the time We were on our first lockdown extension.

That was the time I was going through one of the rough phase of my life. I was not sane. I lacked sleep, taking too much caffeine, taking pills every two days to sleep, going through a depressed mindset, just insane!

So I used to stay inside my brother's room, which I started to use as my own for the past one and half years now. The only time I leave the room is to get the food plate from my mom and that's it. They won't see me until next meal. That is how I used to be back then. At least now, I spend my evening at times with my family, getting into my old habit of stargazing, photographing random stuffs apart from gaming and discord.

I still remember an incident like yesterday; my mom came to me and started talking in a concerned way, as if I've lost it. That was the moment I realized I'm not myself. I never spoke with my family, never talked to my friends. The only few people I spoke with is my game buddies. They were the only people I was in contact with; that too when playing, TrillX and Nexus were the two guys(their gamer tags). 

They didn't know the phase I was going through back then, at least that's how discrete I kept it. PTSD kicks in when thinking about all those things. So I better get into what I wanted to say asap.

It was one of those usual nights for me to play eminem in shuffle, stare at the painting in the wall and stay awake the whole night. During one such night, I thought myself, "How will the outer world look at this time." And that's how I opened the balcony door and looked at the outer world in nearly 3 months. 

Hard to believe but that's the truth. That was the first time I saw my neighborhood, the sky in three months since the beginning of lockdown. It took me six months to step out of my house since the beginning of lockdown back then. At least now, I go out often. back then, NO CHANCE IN HELL.

The sound of birds chirping, the smell in the air, the chill breeze, the semi-lit sky, the sound of prayer from the mosque behind my home, everything felt kinda new to me like I missed these for a long time. Of course, I missed them for three whole years, and missed the outer world for 3 whole months.

During my school days, every weekday, I used to wake up so early like 4 am, so ever since I left home for college, I missed them, Since there's nothing like things used to be in my neighborhood, I missed them a lot during my days in college hostel or the house I stayed during that time.

So a small nostalgia hit me first. It took me a while to understand what's going on. Once I'm myself, I grabbed my brother's DSLR(which is mine now ;p), and took a picture of the sky, That's the picture above.

After taking the picture, I just sat in my bean bag, looking at the sky, as sun slowly starts climbing and starts to cast its ray on me. I sat and watched the sky for nearly two and half hours until sunrise and then, I went back into the room and lied down.

That was when I realized I lost my habit of sky watching and stargazing somewhere growing up. Also I regretted for not doing anything for my desire in astronomy. I didn't learn anything about what to look for, when to look for, how to look for objects in night sky. I lost my interests, passion, nearly lost myself in the past few years. 

So that made me realize the state I'm in, the situation of things I once used to be so dear to. But it took me another 8 to 9 months to reach the state I'm in now. I don't regret anything looking back now. I just wish I made few things better. These are the things that made me the person I am now and I'm really grateful for everything that happened. 

So, if you wish, you can share your thoughts on your lockdown mindset with me down in the comments below. See you guys in the next post.

Peace.