What it feels like to get your first job?

 Well, technically, it's not a job. I got this role as an Associate in this IT company and currently in my training period. All this time, until the moment I accepted the job offer, I was keen on pursuing masters abroad. So what led to this sudden change in interest? What's my mindset? Let's see in this post.

So for a year and quarter, I spent most of my time on gaming, sitting before my laptop irrespective of the time. I never gave a serious thought about my career because I thought I want to pursue masters and get into research field. That was like my only goal, the only thing on my mind. But a month ago, I got this strange feel that am I eligible for what I think I want to do?

I know, self belief is something that you should never give up on. But trust me, my intuition never failed me, except on few things in the recent years. But it still has 90% accuracy if we consider my whole life. So I strongly trust my intuition and do what it says, without thinking about the consequences. So my intuition questioned me this a month ago, "You wanted to get into research field, but do you think you're capable of studying, working your ass off for achieving it?". Never have I ever had a second thought on myself when it comes to education. But that was the first time I had that question inside me and I couldn't answer it.

I know, even the ug degree that I hold is something I did not work to get. It came to me, I did not work to achieve it. Bitter, but truth! I knew the very moment I graduated that I did not do anything to earn this. But I'll take it because I spent my 4 important years for it. That's the only reason I gave myself to convince my mind. Even then, I did not have this self doubt and I was keen on pursuing masters. 

Then 3 weeks before, I was preparing for my GATE exam and I was working out practice questions and that's when I realized I can't reason as much as I did in my schools. Not to brag but I was one of those naturally gifted person that doesn't put in much efforts for studying but still end up clearing the exam with good grade.  But that was until my high school. Once I got to college, I lost my focus, track and eventually, myself. 

Back to three weeks ago, I was able to solve the problem but I knew very well that alone is not enough. I can't reason anything from the question. Reasoning is one of the biggest trait one can develop if you ask me. Until my high school, I could do it without any effort. But now, I can't. I just got downgraded form what I was during my high school days. So that's when I realized I'm not the old me and I am so down bad. And though with effort you can come out of this pit, my mind did not have this motivation to trust myself. I just couldn't convince myself to learn about engineering, or prepare for my gate exam.

During this time, one of my friend asked me to apply for IT companies and give it a try. My brother was already in this field for almost 10 years now and I asked him about it. He asked me to try on my own field of expertise initially and if that doesn't work out, let's see then what we can do. But I wanted to give these interviews a try, at least to prepare myself for upcoming interviews in the future. I also wanted to do it to self evaluate my soft skill. So I applied for these interviews without telling anyone in my family.

So I attended this interview, cleared the written exam, followed by Technical Interview. My soft skills are still good but a little bit rusty. I can work on it. So I thought I won't get the job because to be honest, I was so frank to the interviewer. I told him, I don't know coding on advanced level and only with the help of my Class 10 computer coding knowledge, I was able to clear the written exam. But as far as other basic interview questions are concerned, I did good. It's not a biggie that I was able to get this job.

So two weeks ago, I was in this weird situation. I had all the brochure for this university in Ukraine to pursue my higher and on the same day, at the exact same time, I got this mail from the company that I got selected. I had two choices given to me. I felt like Keanu Reeves from The Matrix. Before making this important decision, I felt like talking to my brother and my parents one more time. That's when I told them I attended interview and stuffs. 

My brother told me this, "You are provided with opportunities. It's not often people are given choices between opportunities. Choose wisely and use them. Don't waste it." So after this, I thought one more time. I still had that doubt on myself and my intuition told me to take the job. So once it gave me the final ring, I accepted the job offer. 

I was in a dilemma and I hope my intuition doesn't fail me again. Only time will tell. So considering now. I am employed and got my first job. Woohoo. Let's see what this chapter of my life has for me. 

See you guys in the next post. Peace.