Alcohol and me!

A L C O HOL!

Yeah, alcohol. Liquor, or should I say it in my local language, "sarakku". I used to belike that type of guy who only drinks to be happy or celebrate something. I never used to drink when I'm used or when I feel low.

And since I'm not addicted to drinking back then, I was able to stay without alcohol for very long breaks. If I don't drink, i can be like that for months. Because I drink only for fun and I was a social drinker. But I think it was during my third year in college, that I started drinking too much. Even then, I used to drink only when I'm happy and I mainland this policy of not drinking when feel low or sad. I referred myself from drinking to escape reality.

But right before Covid, I started to drink during sadness. Started Asa habit to give company to a sad friend to it becoming my company when I'm sad. Then, COVID happened and we all are stuck inside our houses. Due to my personal issues and the fear of going out and getting Covid and spreading it to my parents, I stayed inside my own room.the four walls, gaming and my friends became my new company. But at 3 am in the night when no one's there with me, I started looking for something to help me sleep.

I started suffering from insomnia again, which i did not had for quiet some time at that point of my life. I already had this weird habit of taking paracetamol pills to sleep. I started doing it for sleeping. But even that didn't help. I was going crazy when I was not gaming and I didn't know what the fuck I was even doing when I'm not gaming. I started to crush the paracetamol pills into powder and used to short them and get high from it.it was never enough at one point and I started to google how to get high with every day house hold items. Tough times man, Covid period was literally the fucking worst time personally for me. The only good thing that COVID did me was helping me get my college degree lol.

I was losing myself day by day. I lost myself, I was not myself anymore. And the lack of sleep was showing its effect on me. I read an article on the internet that told me we can get high from paint thinner. And yeah, you guessed it right, I did that too. I was lost completely. The worst phase of my life. But then when those things reduced its effect on me, i had my final year exams.

Then I had to leave town for my exams, and I had the taste of alcohol for the first time in a year. I think it was at that point I fell for alcohol. I started drinking a lot at that time as I felt like using the limited time I had outside my hometown as once I'm back home, it's never happen. Then I came back home, and sober for next 10 months.

The next time I drunk was during our first gamers irl, with nexus and trillX. Again sober and again drank during our second gamers irl. Then on our trip to Pondicherry, then on my birthday when we all went to a pub for the first time.it was all occasional drinking so it never felt bad. Also, I was drinking with the best people, so I kinda enjoyed it. But at that point, I med to get emotional when drinking. It was after the Pondicherry trip that I stopped that bad habit of getting emotional when drinking.

Then came the next phase of my life which completely changed me, me shifting to Chennai for work.it was then, I started to see the real worst side of alcohol. So far, I have been drunk till I blackout, drunk to enjoy, drunk to cry. But the real work case scenarios happened after moving to chennai.  The very first day I came to Chennai, we get caught for drunk and drive on my brother's car. The following weeks, some other people argue while drinking and ruining the night for all of us. I ever had an argument with a guy once while I was drunk and it became a big problem.

Since chennai, the quantity, quality and the frequency of drinking was so outta control. My alcohol tolerance level boosted up, I drank more, I started to drink the worst alcohol, buying from black at 1 am in the morning. It was so bad.

I had many of my people telling me to reduce the amount of alcohol I drink. And now, I'm at my home, blogging about my alcohol habit and thinking about what I should be doing to fix myself fix this habit. Because I'm not thinking or worried about my health, but about my career as I need to take the next step in my career so that i can earn more to spend more.

Already my work life- personal life balance is so fucked up as I work wherever I feel like working. Gaming became from an everyday thing to weekend only thing. I feel like now is the right time to think about all these things and try to sort it out. 

Before ending this blog on my alcohol addiction, I wanted to suffer things about me when I'm drunk. Now I'm being like the old me, like how I used to be in school, my anger issues popped up. it got worse since I started playing valorant and when I'm drunk and if I get angry by any chance, it'll be hard to control. But the thing is, I won't get angry that easily as I'm the calmest person in the room. It'll take so much to get me worked up.

One other thing is, I drink to vibe nowadays. This habit came ever since I started drinking alone in Chennai. It was so fucking good that I used to drink alone under starry night on top of a water tank, listening tony favourite music. Dancing to your favorite song, singing your favorite song, it's a different kinda vibe. When i drink with my gamers, we all sing and vibe to good songs and its a different kinda feel. This is one habit that I got after coming to Chennai. 

So yeah, this should be enough to blog. If you need to know more, reach out to be and we can plan a weekend party XD.

One thing before closing, drink responsibly and remember, drinking is injurious to health - physical and mental.

See you guys in the next post.

Peace!